Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We left the knife in your bed.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
