idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
