do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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