What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
