just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
