I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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