Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
