I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
