weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
