Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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