But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
