I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
