I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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