too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
