I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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