he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
