Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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