I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
