I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
