I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
