I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
