my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
