omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
