I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
