You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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