Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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