Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
