This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
