6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
