he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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