dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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