After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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