About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
how drunk are you?
Several
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
