Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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