i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
