im six kinds of drunk right now
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
