Can Purell be used as lube?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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