And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
