There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
