I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
