I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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