So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
