Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
