hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
