Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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