Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
