i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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