My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
