I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I am naked and annoyed.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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