I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
