o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
