I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
